Justin Bieber got candid about his past drug use in a new interview and said his security guards would come into his room at night and check his pulse to make sure he was still alive.

“It was like I had all this success and it was still like: I’m still sad, and I’m still in pain. And I still have these unresolved issues,” the 27-year-old told GQ. “And I thought all the success was going to make everything good. And so for me, the drugs were a numbing agent to just continue to get through.”

“I just lost control of my vision for my career,” the pop star continued. “There [are] all these opinions. And in this industry, you’ve got people that unfortunately prey on people’s insecurities and use that to their benefit. And so when that happens, obviously that makes you angry. And then you’re this young angry person who had these big dreams, and then the world just jades you and makes you into this person that you don’t want to be. And then you wake up one day and your relationships are f–ked up and you’re unhappy and you have all this success in the world, but you’re just like: Well, what is this worth if I’m still feeling empty inside?

Justin’s first single, “One Time,” went platinum in 2009 when he was just 15 years old. He went on to become a global superstar over the next few years, before his behavior became increasingly erratic, with a slew of brushes with the law.

For Justin, wife Hailey Bieber (née Baldwin) played an immensely important role in realigning his focus — though “their first year of marriage was really tough.”

Who Is Justin Bieber's Wife? Get to Know Hailey Baldwin
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“There was just a lack of trust,” the “Holy singer” — who tied the knot in September 2018 before hosting a larger second wedding ceremony a year later — recalled. “There [were] all these things that you don’t want to admit to the person that you’re with because it’s scary. You don’t want to scare them off by saying, ‘I’m scared.'”

Looking back now, the Canada native said, the couple are “just creating these moments for us as a couple, as a family, that we’re building these memories.” He noted, “Before, I didn’t have that to look forward to in my life. My home life was unstable. I didn’t have a significant other. I didn’t have someone to love. I didn’t have someone to pour into.”

His faith is another reason why Justin seems to be in a better place these days. “He is grace,” the musician said. “I came to a place where I just was like, ‘God, if you’re real, I need you to help me, because I can’t do this on my own. Like, I’m struggling so hard. Every decision I make is out of my own selfish ego.'”

“So I’m just like, ‘What is it that you want from me? You put all these desires in my heart for me to sing and perform and to make music — where are these coming from?” he explained. “Why is this in my heart? What’s the point? What is the point of everything? What is the point of me being on this planet?'”

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