Dunzo. 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days stars Stephanie Matto and Erika Owens split after a tense fight during the Sunday, May 10 episode. The couple ultimately broke up because of a disagreement about whether Stephanie would come out to her mother about her after she failed to introduce Erika as her girlfriend.
The drama started after Erika, 24, came out to her parents by introducing Stephanie, 29, as her girlfriend during a family dinner. Erika’s parents were extremely accepting, and Stephanie was inspired to come out to her mom as well. Since Stephanie was still visiting Erika in her native country of Australia, she set up a video call with her mom, who was back home in the United States. Stephanie was worried about how her mother would react because of her “traditional” views.
During the video chat, Stephanie changed her mind last minute and just introduced Erika as her “friend” instead of her girlfriend. “I can’t do it right now,” the New Yorker said in her confessional. “It just doesn’t feel right through a computer screen. My mom means a lot to me. I owe it to her to do it in person.”
The next morning, Stephanie and Erika discussed their conversation with Stephanie’s mom. “I guess there’s more to come. I’m hoping. I don’t want to be kept a secret,” Erika told Stephanie. In her confessional, Erika said she didn’t want Stephanie to feel like she had to come out to her mother as soon as possible, but she expressed concern that Stephanie may hide the nature of their relationship from her mom “forever.”
“It scares me a little bit that I might always just be the friend,” Erika told Stephanie. “I want to ask you whether you can ever see yourself introducing me as your girlfriend to your mom?”
The YouTuber said she would eventually come out, but she wanted to wait for a time where she thought the news wouldn’t “destroy” her mother or their relationship. “I need time. At the end of the day, I know I have to do it but it’s going to happen on my own terms when I’m ready,” she said.
Erika explained that she was being “understanding,” but she also wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be stuck in a position where she would have to hide their relationship. “I guess it’s such a big deal to me because I’ve had this happen to me before. I’ve had this relationship with someone and they kept me a secret and it really really hurt me,” Erika revealed, explaining that she was in an on-off relationship with another girl for 10 years.
Stephanie was blindsided by Erika’s confession. “This is confusing. Cause it’s like, I feel like you’re leaving information out. I thought we were supposed to honest, upfront and vulnerable with each other? Why am I the one that’s telling you all of my problems and all of the issues with me and you fail to mention something like that? That’s a huge thing because she is the reason why now you’re pressuring me to come out to my mom,” Steph said.
Steph asked Erika for more details about her long-term relationship. “I would love to talk to you about it, Steph. I just opened up to you about something that hurt me and your first reaction is to raise your voice at me,” Erika responded.
At that point, Steph got up and put on her robe and they continued to yell at each other from across the room. Steph picked up a bowl and threw it on the ground before storming out of their hotel room.
“I’m feeling very confused. I don’t know how to handle the information that I just got. And to have this bombshell just dropped on me right before I’m about to leave to go back home, it’s just a lot of me to process,” Steph said outside.
Meanwhile, Erika cried in the room. “This whole trip has been about Steph’s past and the things that have traumatized her and the second I bring up something that’s traumatic for me and explain to her why something that she’s doing is traumatic for me, she yells at me and says that she’s not yelling at me. It’s just awful,” the Australia native said.
A few moments later, Stephanie returned to the room. “I’m sorry that I yelled. I didn’t know I was yelling. I don’t know what was even going on. I feel like I’m in a manic state right now,” she said. “Yeah, you are and I feel like I shouldn’t deal with that,” Erika said. Stephanie cleaned up the shattered ceramic and they continued to fight.
“But you’ve been doing nothing but pushing me to come out to my mom,” Steph said. “Because you’re not going to, Steph,” Erika said. “Oh, so you’ve already made your mind up about that because of what somebody else did?” Stephanie asked. “No, because you’re saying to me, ‘My mom is definitely not going to be okay with this.’ What do you want me to think, Steph?” Erika asked.
“My mom is the only person that I have in my life,” Steph shot back. “Well, why don’t you just go live with her and [stop] pursuing relationships you know she’s not going to be okay with?” Erika responded. “Why are you playing with my heart just because you can’t figure your own out?”
Erika’s comment was the last straw for Stephanie. “There’s obviously a level of misunderstanding between us that I don’t think will ever be resolved. That’s it, we’re done,” Steph said. Erika started to pack her things to go back to her parents’ house while Stephanie made arrangements to travel back home.
“Even though I was the one that broke things off, I do feel heartbroken,” Stephanie told producers after Erika left while crying. “I thought that we were getting past some of those issues with jealousy and insecurity but I can’t. And I feel bad I don’t think she’s a bad person. It just isn’t working out and I don’t think there’s anything she can say or I can say that can help. I just know it’s not right. But I’ll always love her.”
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