Stephanie Matto from 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days is opening up about the hardships she has faced after being diagnosed with aplastic anemia, an autoimmune disease. While taking to Instagram with an honest and heartfelt message, the TLC alum prefaced her statement by telling fans she’s going to be transparent about her struggles.

“I don’t talk about this much, and it’s embarrassing,” the YouTuber, 29, began. “It’s gross. It’s not pretty. But it’s my life, and if talking about it can help others feel less alone, then it will be worth it. Two and a half years ago when I was diagnosed with aplastic anemia I was put on Lupron. If you don’t know what Lupron is, its a sexual suppression medication that stops your period, amongst other things.”

Stephanie also reveals she couldn’t be on birth control for a number of reasons and wasn’t menstruating because she “would uncontrollably lose blood and need a transfusion due to having low platelets.”

She has since come off the medication, but is now dealing with the “lasting side effects” because of the duration of time she took it. Stephanie says the combination of Lupron and other medications impacted her sex drive and personal life.

“Add into the mix that I have had some pretty traumatic sexual experiences in my life that make me nervous when just meeting and opening up to someone in that way,” she notes. “It’s not that I don’t care or love them, it is simply a mental thing for me.”

“To be truthful, I have had difficulties with sex in the past. I’ll never forget the text my ex boyfriend sent me saying ‘at least she touches me’ in reference to his current more sexually apt girlfriend … Despite my feelings about sex, I do experience love, connection, and physical attraction,” Stephanie continues. The TV personality says it’s been really tough, because it’s caused “disappointment or a partner feeling inadequate” in the past.

Stephanie currently appears on season 4 of the hit reality spinoff as part of the first-ever same-sex couple with her girlfriend, Erika Owens, who resides in Australia. After seeing some comments about their relationship, she is hoping to clear the air.

“Please be aware that upon meeting Erika, my lack of sexual openness was nothing to do with apprehension of my bisexuality. I am FIRM and confident in my sexuality,” she concludes. “It was nothing to do with anyone pressuring me. I was incredibly nervous, tired, and insecure: It had been a long time since I had human touch, and it had been a long time since I felt those feelings. People have different love languages, and that is OK. No one is wrong and nobody’s feelings are invalid.”

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