Grieving for Beth Chapman hit Duane “Dog” Chapman even harder than we thought. In the Wednesday, November 6 episode of Dog’s Most Wanted, the season finale, the bounty hunting family mourned their loss in the wake of Beth’s death. Though everyone handled the tragic news differently, the blonde beauty’s husband took it particularly hard. In fact, he took the news so hard that he was even contemplating suicide so that he could be with her.

“I’ve only been alone as I showered and I had to run out without a towel, because I can’t be alone right now. That’s when I start thinking about things,” Duane, 66, admitted in the show. “I [laid] down to take a nap, and I reached over to touch something, and it was the freaking dog. I don’t realize yet psychologically that she’s gone gone and I’ll never, ever see her. I don’t realize that.”

Once the reality started to sink in, so did some darker thoughts. “I just hope that I don’t live very much longer without her, because now she made the first step,” he said. “She’s through the gate. She paved a way for me. I want to take a god damn pain pill so bad. I feel like if I did something to myself right now and passed away, suicidal, and I got to heaven and was like, ‘Hi, honey,’ … would she go, ‘You dumbass, why would you do that?’ Or would she go, ‘Wow, you’re here’? I’ll be like, ‘Of course I’m here. You left me. I’m here.’ … Am I obligated to do that?”

Duane Chapman Vows Stop Smoking Cigarettes After Beth Death
Jim Smeal/BEI/Shutterstock

In the weeks and months since, however, the dad has gotten his life back on track — but he did end up having some health issues of his own to contend with first. After being rushed to the hospital because of a heart emergency, the star chalked it up to the psychological effects of having “a broken heart,” but he’s also focusing on being well. He may have wanted to be with Beth in the hours and days that followed her passing, but now he’s vowing to quit smoking so that he can continue to be there for his loved ones. When what would’ve been Beth’s 52 birthday rolled around, the family celebrated her in style, and we know the star’s words of comfort will always be with her man.

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