She still wonders about him. Sister Wives star Meri Brown reflected on a miscarriage she experienced over a decade ago via her Instagram Story on December 2, noting that she might have had a son if things had gone differently.

“I woke up this morning thinking about how it would be to have my 12-year-old boy with me at Christmas this year,” Meri, 48, wrote. “Never thought I’d get the news today that a sweet little mom I know and love would be saying goodbye to her own sweet baby today too. #MiscarriageSucks.”

meri brown reflects on miscarriage
Courtesy of Meri Brown/Instagram

Meri and her husband, Kody Brown, opened up about her miscarriage on the TLC series back in 2012. “I completely assumed that after I had [my daughter] Mariah, it would be very easy for me to conceive again,” Meri said. “And that just didn’t happen. So after years of a rollercoaster, we had finally backed off. Mariah was about 12, and, you know, I thought, ‘She’s old enough. I don’t need to worry about having any other kids. I’ve got these other kids.’ I had again got to a point where I was OK not having any kids.”

“And I was late again,” the reality star continued. “And decided to take another pregnancy test and it was positive again. We had an appointment at the doctor to hear the heartbeat. And I was at about 10 weeks. And we were so excited. And we went in and they couldn’t hear the heartbeat.”

Kody, 50, added during the confessional on the show, “The doctor just said, ‘This is not a viable pregnancy.’ We were just back to a dark place.” Both of them were teary during the revelation, and Meri continued, “I was so frustrated and so angry. I didn’t understand why, after another 12 years of trying, and then, it was just taken away from us. I didn’t understand that. It was really hard.”

meri brown smiling in front of field
Courtesy of Meri Brown/Instagram

Meri has opened up about her miscarriage in the past, and she shared with her followers at least once before that she might have had a son in addition to her only daughter. “The joy I felt when I found out he was coming was beyond amazing,” she wrote on Instagram on September 16, 2017. “The pain I felt when I realized that dream wouldn’t become a reality was an almost unbearable grief. Passing years ease the pain, but will never diminish the memories and the love. Septembers come and go, and each year I wonder what he would have looked like, who he would have been, and what would have been in his future.”

Now, it sounds like Meri knows someone else experiencing that same pain, and the holidays have brought up her own feelings about her loss. We hope she’s doing OK and finding comfort in her extended family — sister wives and all.

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