I would never guess that Courtney Stodden would actually come out with an album, and I would be waiting with unironic (um, almost unironic) bated breath. It's true, though: Courtney is working on her first EP, Off the Record and it looks like she's reinventing herself with a redhead persona named Ember. But don't kid yourself, Courtney, the real Courtney. You know, whoever that is. She explained back in April her motivation for telling her story. "I've been in the media now for seven years and there are a lot of misconceptions out there about who I am, justifiably so because I've put on an image and you know, kind of hid behind this, like, persona," she shared on Instagram. "I am very insecure, I'm a very insecure person I deal with depression and anxiety, severe anxiety. I've had losses and a lot of love for people and vice versa." Bless.

Look, there is no question that the earliest aughts of my career (AKA the dark caverns of college journalism) were spent side-eying "Don't Put it on Me Girl" and "Reality." But I've come to accept this IRL Jessica Rabbit as my queen, and this is such a great opportunity to show how far Courtney has come…and that she's still the eccentric bombshell we've all become fascinated with. ICYMI, here are a few reasons to get stoked about Courtney rising from the ashes with her upcoming EP.

So yeah, Courtney is debuting a new alter-ego.

https://twitter.com/CourtneyStodden/status/991064238411022337

There's definitely a hierarchy when it comes to Courtney's alter-egos — watching her drink milk out of a bowl as Hello Courtney was way too much for me —and the general consensus is that the older she gets, the more refined and defined they become. I don't know a lot of about Ember yet, so much as that it's Courtney in a red wig or like, maybe a dye job and extensions. Don't ruin the mystery for me. Perhaps, though, Ember has some crazy Ziggy Stardust rise and fall tale that comes with this EP. I'll give it a listen and do some investigating, I don't have anything going on between getting home and re-watching Mad Men for the 13th time.

If not some intergalactic burlesque queen, Courtney's new alter-ego is basically Lana Del Rey, right?

https://twitter.com/CourtneyStodden/status/992240068474519552

Maybe it's the red hair that's giving us Born to Die vibes, who knows. If such is the case, I can already see an Old Hollywood-inspired album filled with songs of tears and sex, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean, and of course [eye twitch] "daddy." And you know what? I'm about it.

Also, Ember is pretty much already a pin-up girl.

Courtney did not waste a minute to get Ember the Bettie Page treatment, and she enlisted pin-up artist Lauri Lowenberg to do a vamped up portrait of Ember for one of her songs. 10/10, looking great.

The debut song, "For You" is actually a solid, sultry track.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bgf8CDBDYdO/

Seriously, it's out on Soundcloud, it's and it's a slow electronica jam that's kind of sexy without going full boobs-to-the-wind about it. And vocally, yeah, it's hard not to hear a slightly more high-pitched Lana Del Rey in there. See, it works.

Truth be told, Courtney isn't a bad singer as long as you steer clear of the autotune.

I already regret saying this out loud, but here goes: Courtney is great when stripped down. In "Glass of Wine" she only has her lingerie, a piano, a…full face of makeup and the aforementioned glass of red. And without being tampered with, she really sounds lovely, light, and pure. If you put her in the right hands and don't make her sound like a porn robot, Courtney is a true siren.

But I'm suspecting, the music videos are probably going to be extra AF.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6Blf6ZmxrU

And if you need any proof, please review Courtney's Christmas carol masterpiece, "Mistletoe Bikini." Nothing will ever top her getting whipped by an elf, but it's a great promise of what we can expect. Even if it's just a matter of morbid curiosity, this is going to be something to talk about. And yeah, I'm eager for Court to give us all some music-to-bone-to until Lana Del Rey puts a new record out. We believe in you, Ember.