His wife may have prepared him to be alone after her death, but that doesn’t mean that Dog the Bounty Hunter star Duane “Dog” Chapman isn’t still grieving. According to a new interview he did with Entertainment Tonight, mourning Beth Chapman after her tragic loss has taken its toll — not just emotionally, but physically, too. According to the reality star, he’s been losing weight ever since losing his wife. And not just a little — we’re talking 17 pounds.

“I can’t eat. Two bites, I’m full. I got to force feed myself like I force fed her,” Duane, 66, told ET after revealing that he’d shed nearly 20 pounds. “I haven’t gotten past the place where I’m [not] putting a pillow where she was and covering it up. … And then I wake up in the middle of the night and I see her and it doesn’t register that [it] ain’t her. I’m still there.”

According to the star, he hasn’t had a full night’s sleep since even before Beth died. “I wake up to always touch her. Especially when she was sick, I’d have to wake up a few times when she stopped breathing. I couldn’t hear it no more,” he said. “And she’s laying and I’m like, ‘You are not dying like that. I will not let you die.’ So I’m so used to that that I don’t sleep solid anymore.”

Getting used to life without Beth is going to take a while, and there are some things Duane’s just not sure he knows how to do — like order in a restaurant. “I would go, ‘What do I want today, honey?’ and she would name two things,” he said, explaining that his wife read off the menu for him when he couldn’t see it in dim restaurant lighting. “I never ordered … I’m having a hard time ordering food. I’ve lost 17 pounds. Chewing ice helps, and I’ve lost 17 pounds in about two weeks.”

There is one thing giving him comfort these days, though, and that’s knowing he’s not grieving alone. Family members like daughter Lyssa Chapman and daughter-in-law Jamie Pilar Chapman have also been publicly mourning, but so have strangers. “I went through experiences to help others — I really mean this. The other day I met [a guy]. He goes, ‘Dog, you know I love you. I’m sorry, I lost my wife six months ago,’ and I hugged him and I felt a connection like, boom, instantly brotherhood,” he shared. “I use that thing that’s bad to help me help others.”

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