Opening up. 90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way star Deavan Clegg has dodged questions about the paternity of her daughter, Drascilla, ever since she was first introduced to fans on season 1 of the hit TLC spinoff. Many wondered why her baby daddy isn’t in the picture and why she was allowed to move out of the United States with Drascilla to start a new family with her husband, Jihoon Lee, in South Korea. Deavan revealed her truth in a YouTube video titled, “Opening Up About My Abusive Relationship UNCUT.”
“I wanted to kind of open up to you guys and be honest with you guys and finally tell my story on my abusive relationship, how I got past it, what happened and why I have full custody,” the 23-year-old explained.
She said she met her ex-boyfriend when she was 17 years old and he was 18 years old. For legal reasons, Deavan referred to her ex as “Tom” throughout the video to hide his identity. They met through Deavan’s tattoo artist. After about a week of hanging out and texting back and forth, they started dating. “He just seemed super genuine,” Deavan said. “He was super nice, I didn’t see any red flags at all.”
Deavan, “Tom,” and “Tom’s” friend “Jason” (she also changed his name to hide his identity) moved into an apartment together. But since “Tom” didn’t have a job, Deavan and “Jason” ended up having to pay most of the rent. That led to tension between “Tom” and “Jason,” which led to the friend leaving to stay at a friend’s house for two weeks. Deavan and “Tom” were living alone together in the apartment, and they were dating for three months at the time. That was when the first alleged incident occurred.
“I had my laptop pulled up and an ex-boyfriend of mine, who happens to be a friend as well, he had messaged me and he was asking about ‘Tom’ and how we were doing, and I said, ‘Oh, we’re doing great, thanks for asking.’ And ‘Tom’ kind of got jealous. And this is the first warning sign I kind of noticed,” Deavan said.
The ex-boyfriend’s message led to a fight between “Tom” and Deavan. “’Tom’ had gotten so angry, he had slammed my laptop shut and ended up storming out and disappearing for a couple of hours,” she said.
After that, Deavan said “Tom” would bring up her Facebook messages every time they fought and he also put a password on her phone that only he knew. If she wanted to use her phone, he would have to unlock it for her. She said she wasn’t allowed to talk to her friends, she wasn’t allowed to hang out with girlfriends and she wasn’t allowed to see her family.
She continued to share her story and detailed how their fights turned physical. They ended up having to move out of the apartment because they couldn’t afford rent. When Deavan moved back in with her mom and would spend time with “Tom” in her room, Deavan’s mom realized how volatile their relationship was and forbid her daughter from seeing “Tom.” But Deavan would continue to see “Tom” by going over to his house.
“When we started hanging out at his house, that’s when the abuse got worse,” Deavan claimed.
Toward the end of their relationship, Deavan got pregnant. “It was one of those things where it’s like, I can get an abortion and stay with him, or I can leave him and have this baby. Those were my options. Because if I was going to stay with him, I wasn’t going to have this baby and I knew that but I really wanted this baby and I didn’t want him anymore,” Deavan said.
Deavan decided to give “Tom” another chance, but another physical altercation that allegedly took place when she was three months pregnant led to her leaving him for good. After she left, she went home to her mom’s house. The next day she allegedly started to get threats from “Tom’s” new girlfriend via tagged Facebook statuses, claiming that they would take Deavan’s baby and raise the child as their own. The threats got so bad that Deavan called the cops and an officer suggested she get a restraining order against “Tom.”
A judge granted Deavan a temporary restraining order. Deavan attended the folllowing court date and since her ex did not show up, she was granted full custody of her unborn daughter and she also obtained a lifelong restraining order against “Tom.”
“I hope this kind of gives you guys a little bit more of an understanding on why I don’t talk about him and why I have full custody and why I’m uncomfortable to answer any questions about him,” Deavan said.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support.
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