“Today was a travel day for me, and as I was driving through this town tonight, I saw a group of three teenage looking boys, maybe 15 or 16 years old,” Meri, 52, shared via Instagram on Wednesday, May 31, alongside a selfie laying in a bed. “Walking down the street, hands in pockets, chit chatting away, and I just had to smile and almost sort of giggle to myself.”
The Lizzie’s Heritage Inn owner called the moment “bittersweet” and a “moment of gratitude, as she realized she could have had a son around the same age.
“Had my baby survived, he might be engaging in that same sort of teenaged banter, and having those same sort of memorable teenaged moments,” she continued. “Granted, I don’t know for sure that my baby was even a boy, but my gut tells me it was. He’d be 15 now, and I often wonder what life would be like with him here.”
The reality star added, “There’s often a lot of sorrow and pain surrounding that loss, but having that moment of joy today, seeing those boys happy and alive, was healing in a way for me.”
This is not the first time Meri – who shares 27-year-old Leon with her ex – has reflected on her past pregnancy loss, however, as she previously claimed, “Miscarriage Sucks.”
“I woke up this morning thinking about how it would be to have my 12-year-old boy with me at Christmas this year,” she shared via her Instagram Story in December 2019. “Never thought I’d get the news today that a sweet little mom I know and love would be saying goodbye to her own sweet baby today too.”
She and the polygamous patriarch, 54, detailed their struggles to conceive on the TLC series in 2012, with Meri saying, “I completely assumed that after I had [Leon], it would be very easy for me to conceive again.”
“And that just didn’t happen. So after years of a rollercoaster, we had finally backed off. [Leon] was about 12, and, you know, I thought, ‘[They’re] old enough. I don’t need to worry about having any other kids. I’ve got these other kids.’ I had again got to a point where I was OK not having any kids,” the LulaRoe ambassador said. “And I was late again and decided to take another pregnancy test and it was positive again. We had an appointment at the doctor to hear the heartbeat. And I was at about 10 weeks. And we were so excited. And we went in and they couldn’t hear the heartbeat.”
She recalled being “frustrated and so angry,” saying, “I didn’t understand why, after another 12 years of trying, and then, it was just taken away from us. I didn’t understand that. It was really hard.”
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