Dealing with a fan who has a “disturbing obsession” with her has been scary for Larissa Dos Santos Lima. On Wednesday, January 15, the 90 Day Fiancé alum opened up about the experience on Instagram, and now she’s sharing even more details exclusively with In Touch. Revealing that the hate comments quickly spiraled into an unnerving pattern of harassment, the Brazilian beauty admitted that she is sometimes overwhelmed by the messages she receives.

“There are times when the obsessive stalking gets so much for me that it physically hurts,” Larissa, 33, told In Touch. “I know I chose to put my life out there on a reality show, and I acknowledge that I’m a controversial figure. However, it is one thing to be criticized online, and another to be harassed in an attempt to ruin my livelihood, my family, my soul.”

It’s also taken a toll on her relationships. In her original post, she told her fans and followers about how the “unhealthy obsessions” of multiple fans has led them to contact her loves ones as well as targeting her. “They will try to hunt down those you are involved with sentimentally, including your family, in an attempt to cause a devastating family rift,” she wrote. “In order to hurt me … they hurt many other people. It is not harmless, it is hateful.”

Recently, however, the former TLC star has been doing what she can to leave negativity in the past. Just before the new year, that included squashing her beef with ex Colt Johnson‘s mom, Debbie Johnson. “A new year, a new decade is quickly approaching. While I have been working to better my mind, body and spirit in 2019, I want 2020 to be the year or renewal and to cleanse all the bad energy from the past,” she wrote in December 2019. “There has been some very negative back and forth between myself and a former family member. This is something I do not want to do anymore. … Big mistakes were made, and for my part, I’m sorry.”

Extending an olive branch, she acknowledged her closed domestic violence case and how that affected the Johnsons. “I have paid for my mistakes by the law with compliance of the court, but I am sorry with my soul for my part in the break up of the family,” she continued. “I have such fond memories of her, and, when I think of them, I smile. The way we both loved and cared for the cats, we had something in common. I love steak, and she never failed to make me the BEST steak. We had a lot of laughter. When I reflect on things, parting from the negative, I acknowledge a lovely woman that I admire. I do not hate her. I will always have a place in my heart for her. For a short time, we were family.”