In her new tell-all book, Inside Out, Demi Moore gets candid about the darker side of her life, and that includes opening up about moment she thought she might die. While going through a tough time following her breakup with Ashton Kutcher, the star turned to drugs and alcohol to cope and found herself indulging in some seriously dangerous combinations. According to Radar Online, who obtained details about the book before its September 24 release, one of those combos included huffing whip its and smoking synthetic marijuana — and the mixture caused the Indecent Proposal actress to suffer a seizure.

“I did what other people were doing: sucked in a hit of nitrous oxide, and when the joint reached me on the sunken couch in my living room, I took a puff of synthetic pot (it was called Diablo, fittingly),” Demi, 56, explains in the memoir. “The next thing I remember, everything went blurry and I could see myself from above. I was floating out of my body into swirling colors, and it seemed like maybe this was my chance: I could leave the pain and shame of my life behind.”

Though she recovered physically, her relationships with her daughters took a serious hit, and eventually the star checked herself into rehab. It seems the seizure was her rock bottom after she started drinking again following a tragic miscarriage she suffered from six months into a pregnancy with Ashton. The book details other aspects of their famous relationship, too, including a threesome the G.I. Jane star called a “mistake.” Though she was trying to show her young husband she was “fun,” Demi claims that decision backfired when Ashton cited it as one of the stepping stones towards his infidelity.

“Because we had brought a third party into our relationship, Ashton said, that blurred the lines and, to some extent, justified what he’d done,” she wrote. Though the memory is not a happy one, the raven-haired beauty is looking forward to sharing more of her story with her fans. “It’s exciting, and yet I feel very vulnerable,” she told the New York Times. “There is no cover of a character. It’s not somebody else’s interpretation of me.”

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