Following a dramatic day of addressing the court in her conservatorship case, Britney Spears has spoken out to fans for the first time. In a June 24 Instagram post, she apologized for pretending that her life had been better than it actually was over the past few years, when she was actually “embarrassed to share what happened to me.”

“I just want to tell you guys a little secret … I believe as people we all want the fairy tale life and by the way I’ve posted … my life seems to look and be pretty amazing … I think that’s what we all strive for!!!!” the 39-year-old wrote in the caption next to a quote from Albert Einstein that read, “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

“That was one of my mother’s best traits … no matter how s–tty a day was when I was younger … for the sake of me and my siblings she always pretended like everything was ok. I’m bringing this to peoples attention because I don’t want people to think my life is perfect because IT’S DEFINITELY NOT AT ALL … and if you have read anything about me in the news this week  … you obviously really know now it’s not!!!!” Britney continued.

“I apologize for pretending like I’ve been ok the past two years,” she said. “I did it because of my pride.”

“But honestly who doesn’t want to capture there (sic) Instagram in a fun light!!!!” the “Toxic” hitmaker noted, with a light bulb and shrugging emoji.

Britney Spears Breaks Silence on Conservatorship Hearing Speech
Matt Baron/Shutterstock

“Believe it or not pretending that I’m ok has actually helped … so I decided to post this quote today because by golly if you’re going through hell … I feel like Instagram has helped me have a cool outlet to share my presence … existence … and to simply feel like I matter despite what I was going through and hey it worked … so I’ve decided to start reading more fairy tales!!!!!” Britney concluded. Reps for Britney, Jamie and the Bessemer Trust did not immediately respond to In Touch‘s requests for comment.

Her message to fans about how she had been feigning happiness for two years comes after she testified before a judge in Los Angeles that her 13-year conservatorship was “abusive” and that it had left her “traumatized.” She told Judge Brenda Penny about her conservatorship, “It’s my wish and my dream for this to end.”

Britney heartbreakingly revealed, “I’ve lied and told the whole world I’m okay and I’m happy. If I said that enough, maybe I’d become happy … I’m in shock. I’m traumatized … I’m so angry it’s insane.” She continued, ” I truly believe this conservatorship is abusive. I don’t feel like I can live a full life.”

The singer detailed how she wanted to marry her boyfriend Sam Asghari and start a family with him. But she revealed that she had an IUD, which her conservatorship refused to allow a doctor to remove to prevent her from getting pregnant.

“I’m so angry I can’t sleep, and I am depressed,” she continued. “I want to be heard … I want changes and I want changes going forward. I deserve changes. I just want my life back, it’s been 13 years and it’s enough,” Britney pleaded. She then added, “It’s enough and it makes no sense at all … I’m done.”

After a brief break during the hearing, Vivian Thoreen, Jamie Spears’ attorney, read a brief statement on behalf of Britney’s dad, who has served as her co-conservator since 2008: “He’s sorry to see his daughter suffering in so much pain.”

Britney’s mom Lynne Spears’ attorney, Gladstone Jones, said Lynne is a “very concerned mother” after hearing Britney speak. He implored the judge to heed Britney’s request for her to be able to hire her own private attorney and to change her current care plan that has been in place under the supervision of Jodi Montgomery.

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