If you’ve been living off in the Alaskan forests with the walruslike Billy Brown as your mentor, chances are you’re going to have some weird socialization skills. As such, it’s interesting to consider what dates are like for the Alaskan Bush People, and uh, how easy it is to acquire those dates. On-screen, it looks like a hot old mess filled with the most cringe-worthy interactions. In reality, there’s the slightest possibility that the Brown family members are doing dinner and a movie like the rest of us. 

I mean, OK, even I have a hard time thinking you can find Bear Brown on Bumble and Netflix and chill seems strictly off the table when you’re living off the grid. But we know that Alaskan Bush People is a show about an eccentric family and a large amount of artifice. Yes, the Browntown rules to dating seem mostly outlandish, but when you consider they may not have ever lived in Alaska and all the scripted aspects of the show, you start to wonder if Noah Brown’s love interest is an actress. Which…she was.

Real? Fake? Who knows. But between the wild antics of the show and the chill off-screen sight-seeing, here is what you could expect when you date a Brown man.