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Tom Sandoval Recaps ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Season 5, Episode 12 (EXCLUSIVE)

Can’t get enough of Vanderpump Rules? Now, courtesy of Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix, you never have to!

The SUR lovebirds have teamed up with In Touch to provide fans with a weekly episode recap.

MORE: Scheana Maries Makes a Sad Behind-the-Scenes Confession About ‘Vanderpump Rules’

Without further ado, we’ll let Tom take the floor (flying solo this week, as Ariana and the girls are in Las Vegas for Brittany Cartwright‘s birthday).

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Hey guys, it’s Tom. Ready to recap last night’s episode? What a fun week this was!

So my birthday and Jax Taylor’s birthday roast — here we go!

Ariana gets on Tom for his “unique” workout routine.

What Ariana calls “Batmanning” or upside down sit-ups is one of the best ab workouts you can do! And yes, I actually have a braid guy who comes to the house and obviously, I still shave my forehead. It’s a great way to exfoliate! Try it!

Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney have yet another fight — this time, in a paint store — because of alcohol-fueled actions.

Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney’s fight at the paint store was brutal. I definitely remember him getting texts the night before and him getting pissed. Did he get roofied? Definitely not. But as you saw at El Coyote he had more than a few drinks and we went to another bar, and then another — so I guess I can see why he would say that. LOL. I didn’t think he did anything wrong, but calling her a b–ch was out of line — but when Schwartz held onto that pole while Katie drove away it reminded me of a 90s photo shoot.

Tom Sandoval throws an epic charity birthday bash.

Rolling up to Busby’s, I was very proud of my birthday outfit — white on white in so many textures while incorporating a double-breasted suit jacket. I know not everyone is a fan of my braids, but guess what — I don’t do it for them I do it for me.

We started planning my birthday awhile ago and Ariana and I came up with the idea of doing a Fund “Rager.” I wanted to celebrate my birthday and give back. Project Elev8 was founded by my good friend, Richardson, who works at SUR, and Lou, whose mom runs the school in Haiti. Every dollar gets stretched and is used for building materials for schools in Haiti. I was really proud that less than 50 people were able to raise almost $9,000. You can still go to — great cause, check out the backstory and maybe donate!

That shirt Jax is wearing with the spaghetti straps and all is something I gave to him as a joke after he got his surgery. LOL.

Just FYI — Schwartz has a really bad habit of buying tall Jager bombs, which can be annoying at times. And it was pretty ballsy of Scheana Marie to call out James Kennedy in front of his new girlfriend, Raquel. #PeoplePleaser.

Stassi Schroeder has a tendency to cross the line, especially when she tries to tell Ariana how to her life. But don’t worry, we’ll both always be there to give her a friendly or not so friendly reminder when she does cross that line!

Jax Taylor gets “roasted” by his friends on his birthday — in front of his girlfriend’s mother!

Okay, so on to Jax’s Roast — I would love to claim this one as mine but it was actually his idea!
We all kind of agree that Brittany’s mom, Cherri, had no business being at that roast but that too was Jax’s idea. Everyone killed it, but I can say hands down that out of everyone’s roast, mine was definitely the most brutal.

Here’s some of my material that you didn’t get to hear:

“I know you have had a lot of surgeries, Jax, but I have to tell you that the only way you’ll have the body of a 21-year-old again is to get her super drunk and bombard her with lies while banging her between a sheet wall in my apartment” (in reference to when Jax lived behind a sheet in my living room).

MORE: Jax Taylor Apologizes to Stassi Schroeder in ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Midseason Trailer

“Speaking of coming on, I want to thank you for letting me know it’s not okay to fall asleep with friends over when dating Kristen Doute. Please your girl — well, if you would have pleased yours she wouldn’t have had to run to Kristen for some female action.”

By the way, that white chunky knit that I’m wearing is the sweater that Jax wore when he crashed Stassi’s birthday and the sunglasses I have on are the infamous ones from Hawaii!

I totally agree with Jax that out of all the things said that night that a rumor of him kissing a guy would bother Cherri the most, but I’m sure we’ll find out more about it next week.

Tune into Vanderpump Rules every Monday at 9 p.m. on Bravo!

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