Can’t we all just get along?! The families featured on TLC’s hit reality TV series My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding always seem to love hard — and they fight even harder. The show’s premise is to document the way that the American gypsy community celebrates big life events like birthday, weddings, coming-of-age, and even death — by throwing the biggest, most lavish parties and blinging themselves out in gorgeous Swarovski crystal-encrusted gowns designed by Sondra Celli. But of course, there’s always some sort of element of drama at a gypsy gathering, and most of the fights start when a gypsy decides to break with tradition and marry a gorger. But what is a gorger?

According to many My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding stars, a gorger is a term they use to describe someone who is not a gypsy — aka outsiders. Since the gypsy culture and community in America is so small and tight-knit, many gypsies believe it is the sign of utmost disrespect for a gypsy to marry outside of their community. Any gypsy who marries a gorger brings shame upon their family’s name, and many gypsies who marry gorgers end up getting disowned by their gypsy families and shunned by the community.

In a recent episode of the hit series, 16-year-old Romanichal gypsy Lexi was gearing up for her own big, fat, American gypsy wedding — but there was one major issue. Lexi’s 23-year-old fiancé Kenny is a gorger. Lexi’s mother Maryann did not approve of her daughter marrying outside of the gypsy community, because Maryann had already broken tradition and married a gorger herself. She didn’t want her daughter to make the same mistake she made in the past, and she explained why it was so important for her that her gypsy daughter would get married and start a family with a gypsy man.

“It breaks my heart that the traditional gypsies are a dying breed and it’s a culture that we work very hard to maintain,” Maryann said. “Lexi’s thinking that she’s going to just marry this gorger and everything’s going to be alright. It’s not reality. It took me almost 10 years to get my family back, I’ve been shunned before and I’m not doing it again.”