Mariah Carey is known to many as a music icon and powerhouse performer, but behind that public persona is a woman with her own very real struggles. The songstress opens up about her troubled past, tumultuous romances and more in her new memoir The Meaning of Mariah Carey, hitting shelves on September 29.
“Some of my earliest memories are of violent moments. Because of that, I have always carried a heavy blanket with which I cover up large pieces of my childhood. It has been a burden,” the Grammy Award-winning singer shares in one chapter.
Carey reveals she often felt like an outcast amongst her loved ones in her younger years. “We shared common blood, yet I felt like a stranger among them all, an intruder in my own family,” the singer writes. “My siblings and my mother couldn’t communicate for most of the year, so by Christmas dinner, my brother and sister would come stuffed with hurt and anger, starving for attention. Eventually, inevitably, they would all explode in a torrent of verbal abuse.”
The songwriter turned to music in those trying times and found a renewed sense of self-worth and purpose in life. Carey reflects on writing her 1994 smash hit “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” admitting she wasn’t in the happiest place when she wrote the holiday song. Even though she was becoming one of the biggest stars on the planet, the New York native confesses she still felt lost.
“My relationship with Tommy Mottola, who would eventually become my first husband (and so much more) was already getting weird, and we weren’t even married yet,” Carey writes about that time in her life. “Many reasonable people questioned why I married Tommy. But none of them questioned the decision more than I did. I knew I would lose more power as a person, and I was already completely suffocating emotionally in the relationship.”
Carey later details her secret meetings with former New York Yankees athlete Derek Jeter and how their relationship was the catalyst for her to leave Mottola. She also mentions her 2001 movie Glitter “was a collision of bad luck, bad timing, and sabotage,” alleging much of what went wrong was due to her first divorce.
The record producer leaves no stone unturned in her memoir, opening up about her marriage to Nick Cannon, heartbreaking miscarriage, previous stint in rehab as well as other obstacles she faced in the limelight and behind closed doors.
Scroll down to see the biggest revelations from her book.
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