Opening up. Lady Gaga revealed she used to think about suicide “every day” in the throes of her mental and physical health battle.

“It’s not always easy when you have mental issues, to let other people see. I used to show, I used to self-harm, I used to say, ‘Look, I cut myself. See, I’m hurting.’ Cause I didn’t think anyone could see, cause mental health, it’s invisible,” Gaga, 34, said during a candid interview with CBS Sunday Morning on Sunday, September 20.

The “Rain on Me” singer has bravely opened up in the past about her struggle with PTSD after surviving sexual assault when she was just 19 years old. Gaga, whose real name is Stephanie Germanotta, also shared her battle with fibromyalgia in her 2017 Netflix documentary, Gaga: Five Foot Two.

“The people around me, they lifted me up and they said, ‘You think you’re drowning but you’re not. You’re amazing.’ And I used to go, ‘I’m not amazing. I’m over.’ I didn’t really understand why I should live other than to be there for my family. That was an actual real thought and feeling: ‘Why should I stick around?’” the New York native continued. “I lived in this house while people watched me for a couple of years to make sure that I was safe.”

Another issue that led to her dark period was her struggle to accept her pop star persona.  “I mean, honestly I totally gave up on myself. I hated being famous, I hated being a star. I felt exhausted and used up,” the Grammy award winner explained, saying she grew to resent her piano for “making” her become Lady Gaga.

She went on to add that her fame also took a toll on her mental health because getting her photo taken at a grocery store would trigger panic attacks. But when asked what she would say to those who suggest she walk away from the spotlight altogether, she responded, “I swear on my future unborn children, I don’t know why but I have to. This, I have to do it. Singing, I have to. Turns out, even if I don’t want to be alive, I still know how to write a song.”

Thankfully, Gaga revealed she’s in a much better place now, both mentally and physically.  “I don’t hate Lady Gaga anymore. I found a way to love myself again. Even when I thought that was never gonna happen,” she said. “Now I look at this piano and I go, ‘Oh my god, my piano. My piano that I love so much. My piano that lets me speak, my piano that lets me make poetry. My piano that’s mine.'”

If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

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