It’s been almost a year since Vanderpump Rules star Jax Taylor learned that his father, Ronald Cauchi, had passed away after his battle with stage IV esophageal cancer. Now, the reality star is revealing that he was in a really dark place and even had suicidal thoughts during that time period.

“I get a phone call over speaker and it was my mom bawling her eyes out,” Jax recalled to Men’s Health. “She’s like, ‘Your father is dead.’ I pulled the car over. I collapsed.”

Even though he knew his dad was sick, the 39-year-old was still shocked by the news. “I didn’t know how to deal. I was on the way to see him the next day. I fell on the ground in the middle of the highway,” he said. “I threw my phone on the highway. I was convulsing and everything. I was freaking out. I didn’t know what to do. My life flashed. My best friend died.”

Unfortunately, the Bravo personality “was in a deep rut” in the weeks that followed. He added, “I was literally going to lock myself in a room and do enough drugs to hurt myself.”

Luckily, he had his fiancé, Brittany Cartwright, by his side and she encouraged him to get a medical marijuana card, so that maybe he would feel a little calmer when thinking about the loss of his father.

“Brittany was like, ‘I understand where you’re coming from. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but can you try something?’ I tried it and it changed my life,” he said. From that moment on, Jax turned his life around and decided to engage in activities that actually made him happy. “I said, ‘You know what? I’m not going to hurt myself. I’m not going to drink. I’m going to flip this around and make my dad proud. I’m going to the gym. We’re going to start some businesses. We’re going to move up.’”

Brittany Cartwright wearing a blue dress with Jax Taylor wearing a blue suit on Watch What Happens Live
Getty Images

Now, the former model has so many things to be thankful for. He’s lost 40 pounds, he’s planning a wedding with Brittany, and he’s on a super successful TV show.

His fiancé couldn’t be prouder of her man, either. “He impresses me every single day,” Brittany gushed to the magazine. “I think he looks so handsome and his dedication to me and to change is so sexy!”

We couldn’t be happier that Jax has come out on top.

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