Just when we thought the journey to find true love for Bachelorette Ashley Herbert was over, In Touch has learned that, in real life, J.P. Rosenbaum is still not over his first love. His ex Stephanie Kerman broke his heart back in 2008, and has since moved on with another serious boyfriend, but J.P. just can’t seem to totally move forward.

J.P. seems like a sweet, happy guy on the show, but he’s been living a double life for the sake of the cameras. “J.P. was severely depressed over the breakup when he tried out for the show,” reveals a Bachelorette insider. In fact, “he only tried out for The Bachelorette at the insistence of a friend who wanted to snap him out of his heartbreak.” The fact that J.P.’s feelings were still so raw when he auditioned is both surprising and disturbing.

Ashley received a 4-carat, $150,000 engagement ring, the biggest in Bachelor and Bachelorette history, but accepting it and walking down the aisle may be the biggest mistake of her life. If she is ever going to make J.P. truly forget Stephanie, Ashley has her work cut out for her. J.P.’s first love will be a tough act to follow, and insecure Ashley may not be up for the task. While she claims to feel “secure” and “relaxed” around him, her touchy-feely body language says otherwise. Though after what she’s been through, it’s hard to blame her. Like J.P., Ashley entered into this season of The Bachelorette as someone recovering from a broken heart.

Even though J.P. has told her he loves her and Ashley in return has presented him with the final rose, J.P. may still be to damaged by “the one that got away” to live happily ever after with Ashley. “I need to be sure that this is very real for both of us,” Ashley admits. But, unfortunately, on a show like The Bachelorette, it’s impossible to be sure that anything is real.

For exclusive photos and more on J.P. and his past relationships, pick up the new issue of In Touch, on newsstands now.