There are a few things the Duggars love: Jesus, skirts that go past their knees, and of course, pickles. Anyone who's tuned into about three seconds of 19 Kids and Counting or Counting On knows that the infamous family just can't get enough of that treat. And look, man, it's not like we don't have a healthy love and respect for pickles. We're always very glad to see it neatly perched next to a burger and fries. But the way that the Duggars love pickles is something that would gently border on horrifying if it was, well, any family besides the Duggars. Instead, it's just another thread in their tapestry of crazy.
So because we're morbidly curious, we've decided to pull that thread and unravel just how deep the Duggars' pickle obsession goes.
Where does the Duggars' pickles obsession come from, exactly?
Isn't it obvious? Pickles are mentioned not once, but twice in the Bible, basically earning a starring role in the Book of Isiah. Case closed.
That's first of all ridiculous because the Book of Isiah is Old Testament which is obvi way inferior to the Jesus-heavy passages of the New Testament. More than that, Jessa Seewald speculates that the love of pickles was instilled all the way back to Michelle's first pregnancy.
"The Duggars love pickles. I think it probably started that when my mom is pregnant she craves pickles, that is the one thing. Every time we see her eating pickles we say 'Are you pregnant?'" Jessa explained in a 2016 episode of Counting On. So Michelle is literally always, all day, every day, eating pickles, got it.
If it isn't enough that the Duggar babies get force fed pickles in utero, there's a formal pickle induction ceremony. "Any time a family member tries a pickle for the first time, we always go around and take videos and pictures and everyone comes around to watch their facial expression," Joy-Anna added.
Pickles are used to help distinguish between Duggar children.
The difference between Duggar children? Some of them like pickles, some don't.
Can you imagine being a Duggar child who doesn't like pickles? How profoundly ostracizing that must be? $10 says Jana's an anti-pickler.
In any case, the Duggars tend to personalize their pickles for their favorite holiday, Jesus' Birthday. "Almost all of us like pickles, but each one likes a different kind," Michelle said while explaining their Christmas traditions. "Same with the Pringles and the beef jerky. Christmas is the one time of year when every child gets their favorite flavor of each treat."
Unless you're one of the scandalized Duggar kids who doesn't like pickles. Then all you get is a lump of cole and a first class ticket to hell.
Pickles on pizza is "a Duggar Thing."
Also, a really stomach-churning thing that they all collaborate on as a big, pickle-obsessed family. Since there are 19 kids and counting, their pickle pizza requires them to buy ingredients in bulk. So it's those delicious dills, seven pounds of cheese, and eight pounds of tomato sauce. OMFG.
If you want to follow the pickle pizza recipe by the Josie Duggar method, you should bite off pieces of toppings, lick them, and then stick them on top of the pizza. Bon appetit!
Their entire car smells of pickles.
When discussing the family's favorite on-the-road snacks, Michelle revealed that (wait for this plot twist) pickles were a mainstay. The only problem is, Jim-Bob says no glass in the car. "So we always drain all the juice out of the pickle jar, dump the pickles into a large Ziploc bag, and then proceed to pass around pickle spears or whole pickles throughout the van with a paper towel wrapped around each one," Michelle explained, as we grimace hard. Unsurprisingly, "Our whole van smells like dill pickles, it's just so funny." Yeah, that's totally funny and not at all low-key disgusting.
And of course, Michelle then talked about the pickles special medicinal purposes. "And for some reason, my kids said if they feel nauseous, the pickles seem to help them," she said. "Go figure, every family is different!"
"Different" doesn't even begin to cover it.
Pickles have gotten their own plotline on 19 Kids and Counting.
Watch this video, Joy starts stabbing a container of peppercorn with a knife.
Jason Duggar, who is a literal child, even has a recipe for pickles.
So you know, in case you're interested in a homemade pickle recipe
In closing, it would seem that a love of pickles is instilled in each child from the moment of conception and will be, in true Duggar fashion, forced down from generation to generation. As far as their traditions goes, it's definitely not as bad as side-hugs or, you know, blatant misogyny. Still, pickle pizza? We'll be hard-pressed to take a bite out of that Duggar delicacy.