Getting choked up. Chanel West Coast got a little emotional while discussing her new single, “Black Roses,” in an exclusive video interview with In Touch. The 31-year-old reality star says she felt the need to “get this song done” after the death of her friend, Nicole Dubos, who battled addiction.

“It is everything that I’m feeling at this moment,” the Ridiculousness star explains. “I felt like I didn’t show my friend … enough attention. I knew she was struggling with drug problems and things like that and I felt like I could have done more and … I felt that I should’ve maybe reached out sooner, you know, before it was too late,” Chanel admits while getting teary-eyed. “I wanted to get the song out because I hoped that there were other people who would hear it and they wouldn’t wait [until] it was too late.”

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I am absolutely devastated to find out about the loss of one of my best friends since childhood @nicole_alexandra_dubos_. Nicole I am so sorry I didn’t do more to help you. I’m so sorry that I was so busy and consumed with my own life and career that I hadn’t taken the time to call you in over a year. I have never been more angry and sad about something I KNOW I could’ve helped prevent. I feel like such a piece of shit for not trying harder to help you with addiction issues and I just don’t know how I’m going to ever get over this. You were so smart, so funny, beautiful, talented, SO loving, and such a good friend throughout our childhood. We have so many memories together that I will cherish for life. I know losing your mom was the hardest thing for you and you were never the same since she passed. I hope that you are up in heaven together now holding each other tight, laughing and smiling. I promise I will always be here for your little sister Sam and be the big sister she no longer has. I will do all I can to make sure to fight against addiction issues and I will try to help as many people as I can get off drugs because I should’ve done that for you. I should’ve went to rehab with you and quit smoking weed and did whatever it takes to get you on track. But I wasn’t aware how bad your addiction was and how depressed you were. I wish I could’ve hugged you and told you how much I love you and that you wouldn’t have felt the need to leave us like this. I’m not sure how to fight back these tears and move forward I’m pissed I couldn’t find cuter pics of us for this post but I just wanted to hurry up and post something because you deserve it. You deserved the world. I’m sorry with all my heart and soul for not being a better friend and being there for you. I hope you are at peace now Nicole. I’m so mad you did this. I don’t think a day in my life will go by not thinking about you. Hopefully my boys Saul and Kevin and Marc Tognazi are up there with you making you laugh and smile. Losing all of you has been very hard on my life but I promise I will make your name live on. I’m going to start a charity to fight substance abuse in your name. I love you & miss you 🙏🏼💖

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While the song has special significance to the MTV personality, it also has a powerful message. “I felt like there was this wave of … not enough people showing love,” Chanel expresses. She says in today’s society people are more focused on themselves and she felt it was necessary to make a song emphasizing the importance also of loving others. “Everybody’s so into [themselves] and what they’re doing and worried about what they’re posting and not worried about showing love back to other people,” Chanel explains.

“Really the song is about … telling people that it’s cool to show love,” the beauty expresses. “Like I said in the song, show me love to your people. That’s a boss.” Chanel also shares why she thinks it’s harder for some to express their appreciation. “[I think some people] mistake friendliness and showing love for weakness. Like maybe you’re desperate for the friendship or need them, but really you’re just being a good person showing love.

The rapper says she got very “emotional” while recording and finishing the song. “It was a little hard, but I did my best to perfect it because that was the goal,” she says.”To make sure I get out the best possible song and message, you know?”

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