Learning that your partner has been unfaithful is never easy — but finding out on television in front of millions of people is even harder. For Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin, their cheating pasts were put on full display on the lastest episode of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars.

However, Kail, 25, admits that while it was hard to learn the truth, she wasn’t completely blindsided. “I always knew but I really didn’t want it to be confirmed and definitely not the way that it was confirmed,” she told In Touch exclusively. “Hence my initial question on MBC.”

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This is what our saturdays look like ⚽️🥅

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Kail’s first question to Javi on the show was, “Do you purposely try to prevent me from succeeding?” because neither party wanted to know the truth about their infidelities. The couple was quickly overruled and Javi was forced to take a lie detector test. While Kailyn also admitted to cheating on Javi while he was deployed, she was upset because he was always accusing her and making her feel guilty — when he was out doing the same thing. Pot, meet kettle.

“My reputation is ruined, I have lost friends over it because people are like, ‘Oh, Kail is this horrible person… I can’t believe she did that to you.’ These same people don’t know that he was doing it,” she said on the show. “How dare you say all these things about me and allow people that once respected me to look at me like, ‘Wow, I can’t believe you did that.'” It’s no surprise Kailyn wanted to leave the show shortly after. “I just need to process it,” she explained, “I just think I need to go home and deal with it and… being here isn’t going to help the situation. I want to go home.”

Today, Kailyn is determined to not let their past influence how they raise their four-year-old son, Lincoln. “I learned my lesson with Jo [Rivera] about bashing and social media and all the drama we let impact our co-parenting of Isaac in the beginning,” she added. “I wasn’t going to make that same mistake twice.” Good for you, Kail.