Being One of the Duggar Bridesmaids Is a Total Nightmare

Every time I’m subjected to another Duggar wedding — what is that, bi-weekly at the rate they’re going? — I feel a fleeting empathy pain for the bridesmaids. As it is, there’s nothing more boring than watching two near-strangers kiss for the first time. Yet having to be part of the prep for that hard-earned first kiss sounds like absolute torture. And yes, that’s even topping whatever you’re going through with your college roommate right now, even though the bridesmaids’ dresses were eggplant.

Because let’s face it: at best being in a bridal party is gratingly annoying. At worst, it’s basically like a lifetime of indentured servitude (or it least it feels that way). As a small mercy, Duggar engagements are insanely rushed, meaning you’ll never be stuck catering to one girl for very long. At the same time, the bride du jour might force you to sew all of your tacky bridesmaids dresses like Jill did to always-the-bridesmaid Jana.

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Guys, next time you’re wearing a black bodycon dress at another Atlantic City bachelorette party, thank your lucky stars you’re not Jana. As far as I can tell, Our Lady of Quiet Desperation has been in nine weddings, the most recent one to date being Joe‘s wedding to literal infant Kendra Caldwell.

Sad. So if you need to feel just a little bit grateful, we’ve backpedaled on why being a Duggar bridesmaid is so much worse than dealing with the average bridezilla. Scroll down to learn all about the complex world of being a Duggar bridesmaids, or as some would call it, “Jana’s entire life.”

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The dresses are just a little bit more heinous than normal, like whatever Jessa's bridesmaids are wearing here.

We know that ugly bridesmaid dresses are kind of part of the package, but what kind of polyester nightmare was Jessa Duggar's coral $49 frocks? Jana hated it so much that she refused to even come out of the dressing room, and the rest of the girls were quick to shade it as well. "There is an awkward length," Joy-Anna explained. "It's a challenge to find a dress that will fit ten different people and look good still."

TBH, we highly doubt Jessa even tried to step up to that challenge, girlfriend was just making sure she was going to be the belle of the ball.

You could end up altering all of the more-heinous-than-normal bridesmaid's dresses…while everyone goes to tea.

Yes, this happened. Seamstress extraordinaire Jana often gets stuck with last-minute alterations, because what is she if not a Fundie Cinderella? The cruelest offense, though, was when Jill's (weird, belted, cotton?) dresses needed some extra length and Jana had to extend all nine of them. The rest of the ladies then had a spot of tea, nibbling on their crumpets and wondering what the peasants are up to today.

Forget the strippers and tequila shots, you're going to endure some ridiculous gender neutral bachelorette party.

We've detailed at length all the boring mixed Duggar bachelor/bachelorette parties (doesn't that kind of defeat the point?) so we'll just give you a sample of one of the best ones. Joy and Austin decided to go camping together and played The Shoe Game. If you've never played, that's a game where you and your S.O. have to answer the tough questions like, "Who is the older one?" and (not sure how they managed this) "Who has more siblings?"

Jana's going to f–king lose it.

This is the effing bridesmaids' gifts, like are you kidding me?

So Anna, who is understandably brainwashed, gushes about this joke of a stuffed mason jar. "It's so cute with little chocolate candies and a necklace!" OK, Anna, sweetie, I know you have a hard time seeing a bad thing when it's right in front of you, but Jinger literally got some Dollar Tree jewelry and broke open a bunch of Rolos. Settle down.

All the other bridesmaids are talking about their own weddings.

If you're the Jana of your friend group, prepare to feel isolated because even the brace-faced 18-year-olds in the bridal party are married with three kids. And because weddings are the height of their lives, be prepared to listen to to each girl take a strangely vague-sounding walk down memory lane.

"This definitely brings back memories of my wedding day," Jill explained smugly at Jinger's nuptials. "Jinger was saying 'I'm really not stressed. Everyone else is busy and around doing what they need to do around me. But I'm surprised, I'm not super stressed.' I was like, 'That's how it's supposed to be, that's how it was for my wedding day.'"

Not to be upstaged, Jessa launched it to it at Joy-Anna's wedding. "It definitely takes me back to my wedding day, all those sweet…reminisce about all those sweet memories, just hours before my own wedding."

And then Jinger isn't even immune to a nostalgia attack. "It really just seems like just yesterday Jeremy and I were walking down the aisle and about to get married," she says.

Sis, it was just yesterday.

And if this day couldn't get any longer, you're probably running on "Duggar Time."

Because there are roughly 15 trillion guests and Jim Bob and Michelle can't be bothered to wrangle their own kin, the family is historically late to the chapel. Like, the gang was still running around an hour before Jinger's wedding. "We're an hour and 20 minutes away from the wedding starting so we will see if we can actually meet that and get that done," Jana says, dying inside. "We tend to run late so I don't think that we're going to actually start on time. But hopefully not an hour late."

HOPEFULLY, because another hour of this and Jana's going to set the reception hall on fire.