Transgender porn star Madison Montag spoke out for the first time in an exclusive interview with In Touch, revealing she was the one who convinced Lamar Odom to visit Nevada’s Love Ranch brothel in October and feels she might have been able to save him had things gone differently. Now the mag has exclusively obtained the heartfelt open letter Madison wrote the Kardashian family on November 22.

“Since the night Lamar almost passed I have thought about writing to your family every day to express how sorry I am about the pain Lamar and your family have endured since the night of his overdose,” Madison says in the letter.

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lamar odom brothel letter

Madison's letter to the Kardashians.

Madison explains she feels “responsible” for what happened to Lamar because he came to the Love Ranch that night to see her. But when he arrived, he was greeted with a lineup of women — not just Madison. “When we walked into the room, I got a very weird vibe. [Lamar] was looking down like he was ashamed. He looked very uncomfortable,” she reveals in an exclusive interview. “I wasn’t picked.” Instead, he selected blond prostitutes Ryder Cherry and Monica Monroe.

“If things had gone accordingly Lamar would have been well taken care of and I would never have provided Lamar drugs,” Madison writes. (Cherry and Monroe have denied supplying Lamar with drugs.)

kardashian-jenner family

Kardashian-Jenner family.

“In the end I want to make it clear that while I had nothing to do with Lamar’s overdose, I am deeply saddened for that unfortunate night. My thought and prayers are with Lamar and your family.”

For more on this, pick up the latest issue of In Touch, on newsstands now!