When John Wayne Bobbitt famously had his penis cut off back in 1994, the true crime story started a media firestorm that would last for decades to come. 25 years later, we’re still talking about it — but now, the 51-year-old is finally speaking out about how he felt on that fateful night. During an appearance on The Dr. Oz Show, he told the TV host what it was like heading to the emergency room, even admitting that he felt “suicidal” after the event. With Lorena Bobbitt telling her side of the story in the Amazon docu-series Lorena, he shared his tale, too. Watch the video above to check out a clip of the show, and don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube Channel.

During their on-air chat, Bobbitt admitted that he rushed to the hospital on his own after the attack. “I kinda walked into the hospital,” he shared. “The doctor comes up to me and says, ‘Show me your wrist.’ And I said, ‘That’s not where I’m cut.'” The moment when he had to reveal his injury was a scary one. “I pulled [off] my pants and blood is all over the place,” he confessed. “Some guy’s putting towels on me, he kept putting all these towels on me.”

But more than just physical trauma, there was also emotional trauma. “I was like pretty much suicidal at that point,” he told Dr. Oz. “I mean, I’m kind of mutilated in the most worst way a man can be mutilated and I was self-terminated, and I was looking for something that can end it with … Looking around.” He clarified for the host that he would’ve “killed [himself] that night if [he] could’ve.”

He also opened up about what he thinks may have been his ex-wife’s motivations in the moment. What did she hope to accomplish by cutting him in that way? “‘If I can’t have you, no one will,'” he posited.

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