YouTuber Brittani Boren Leach has been living through every mother’s worst nightmare ever since her baby son Crew passed away on December 30. Just one day after the mom of five laid her 3-month-old to rest, she took to Instagram to reveal Crew’s burial gown was made out of her wedding dress — and she shared heartbreaking advice to parents with infants of their own.

“Oh how I wish this picture was taken today, I would give anything just to hold him this close again,” the 29-year-old captioned a selfie of her while wearing her late son in a carrier wrap. “Those of you who were following me before and ‘knew’ Crew, knew he lived in this wrap. It was his favorite place to be. We buried him dressed in a gown made from my wedding dress, with a small favorite toy from each of his siblings, and this striped wrap placed snugly over him. I figured, who is better to carry him until I get there, than Jesus. 💙.”

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Oh how I wish this picture was taken today, I would give anything just to hold him this close again. Those of you who were following me before and “knew” Crew, knew he lived in this wrap. It was his favorite place to be. We buried him dressed in a gown made from my wedding dress, with a small favorite toy from each of his siblings, and this striped wrap placed snugly over him. I figured, who is better to carry him until I get there, than Jesus. 💙 If I could say one thing to you, here it is. Take all the pictures. Forget the laundry. Forget the dishes. It really doesn’t matter. Just love your babies. Breathe in their scent. Memorize their smile. And love them really really hard. #crewscrew

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The grieving mama continued her caption with some wise words to fellow parents. “If I could say one thing to you, here it is. Take all the pictures. Forget the laundry. Forget the dishes. It really doesn’t matter. Just love your babies. Breathe in their scent. Memorize their smile. And love them really really hard. #crewscrew,” she added.

On December 26, Brittani revealed details about the events that eventually led to Crew’s death. “While at a relative’s house last night, Crew laid down for a nap and when I went to check on him, he was not breathing. We are living a nightmare, and I’m dying inside. Please pray for my baby. This can’t be real,” she begged fans in a caption on Instagram.

She continued to share regular updates about Crew with her followers. The infant was placed on a ventilator and underwent multiple tests and an MRI. On December 27, Brittani asked for more prayers as she explained she and her husband, Jeff Leach, would have to make a decision about Crew’s care.

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Motherhood. It’s a funny thing… one day you’re walking around with them in your belly with freshly mopped floors and the next day you’re walking around with one boob hanging out, in yesterday’s pajamas, wondering how your house got to be such a wreck. 💙 So many of you have asked how I’m doing, and I appreciate that more than you know. This was the hardest delivery on my body, and transitioning to 4 kids (full time) has been a little challenging until we find our new normal. I’ve had a few mental breakdowns where everyone is crying at once(including me), and I physically feel like I cannot keep up. And then there’s my rockstar Husband who has stepped up to the plate, wakes up to get the kids ready for school, makes their lunch, drops them off and picks them up. I don’t know what they’re wearing or what they’re eating😆… but I’m so thankful for him. 😭Motherhood is so beautiful and hard, overwhelming but rewarding, yet I wouldn’t trade these days for anything. #motherhood #motherhoodunplugged #newborn #normalizebreastfeeding

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On December 30, Brittani revealed their decision to remove Crew off of the ventilator and shared that Crew would be helping to save the lives of “three or four” other children because they would be donating his organs. Shortly after the surgery, Crew passed.

“Our sweet Crew went to be with Jesus today. I rode on the bed with him to the O.R, with Jeff walking beside me as the surgical team pushed us through the halls. People lined the halls to pay their respects to our little hero and then we said the hardest goodbye of our lives,” Brittani wrote while sharing the sad news of Crew’s death. “I’m not very good with words right now, because my heart hurts and I’m angry. Crew’s Story has reached masses, and it selfishly hurts me that it has. I’m thankful for all the love and support that we have been shown, but please keep in mind that we can see your comments, questions and conversations with one another. Put yourself in our shoes (which is impossible to do) and ask yourself If you’d want to read what you’re about to write or say. Right now Crew is dancing and playing in Heaven with Jeff’s brother, great grandparents, a little brother I never met, and some very special little boys. And one day we hope we to meet the 3 or 4 little lives that he has saved. But right now there’s a big hole in my heart and my arms feel empty. Please continue to pray for our strength in coming hours, days, weeks and years.”

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