On the red carpet for the Grammy Awards, singer Sia may have stood out with her over-the-top wig and her perfectly dressed mini-me, Madison Ziegler, at her side.

It may seem ironic that the 39-year-old would wear such an extravagant costume — when, in reality, she craves anonymity.

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The singer has opened up about how she had a decades-spanning career as a songwriter for some of music’s biggest names and, as a result, saw firsthand the negative effects fame could have on a person — and she wanted desperately to avoid that.

“It’s horrible,” she explained. “I just wanted to have a private life. Once, as my friend was telling me they had cancer, someone came up and asked, in the middle of the conversation, if they could take a photograph with me. You get me? That’s enough, right?”

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By blocking her face on her albums and wearing wigs like the one she wore to the Grammys, she’s been able to maintain an aspect of privacy, but there were times when her intense fear of fame almost caused Sia her life.

In May 2010, she called her drug dealer and ordered “two of everything.” A few months later, she was writing her own suicide note.

After that, she enrolled in a 12-step program and took a break from her solo career before returning last year. Since then she’s not only learned a lot about herself — but also the people who hurt her in the past.

She told the ‘New York Times,’ “In my sobriety I have discovered that the people I love, and who hurt me, were sick like me.”