Remember when edgy humor was in? Yeah, so does YouTuber Shane Dawson — and, unfortunately, his use of it is coming back to haunt him. Over the St. Patrick’s Day weekend, an old episode of the star’s podcast, Shane and Friends, resurfaced in which the now 30-year-old vlogger could be heard telling a disturbing story about his alleged sexual behavior with a cat. Though the clip makes it sound like it was a real story, it turns out that Shane made it up as a bit of shock comedy, but now he’s having to explain himself.

The 2015 episode, which featured co-host Jessie Buttafuoco and guest Daniel Franzese from Mean Girls, has since been deleted from the show’s SoundCloud, but Twitter users shared the audio online. “One time, I laid the cat down on her back … and I moved her little chicken legs spread open or whatever, and I was like, if I just hump … but on her tummy, that’s not weird, like, whatever. And then I humped and I humped and I kept going and kept going and I came all over the cat,” he says, laughing. “It was my first sexual experience. I was also, like, 19.” Before telling the story, he joked, “I didn’t penetrate.”

Twitter exploded with posts about the alarming story as fans rushed to defend the star while others called to cancel him. Initially, the star tried to avoid addressing the subject, reposting a video he made last year after addressing allegations that he was a pedophile. Those claims were sparked by similarly edgy jokes about “sexy” babies, but the star insisted that they were only stupid jokes. “For those who missed this a year ago,” he posted with the YouTube video,” on Sunday, March 17. “Here ya go. K going back to editing now.”

However, the controversy didn’t quiet down — and after another few hours, Shane decided to address it fully. “I didn’t f–k my cat. I didn’t cum on my cat. I didn’t put my d–k anywhere near my cat. I’ve never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself I wasn’t going to make apology videos after last year’s thing so I’m just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible,” he wrote in a series of tweets. “I’ve apologized many times for all the dumb s–t I’ve said in videos and podcasts over the years. I’ve learned my lesson over and over again and I’m more confident now in my ability to be entertaining by just being myself and not being so shocking for laughs.”

“That story was fake and was based on a dumb awful sketch idea I had years ago that I never made (THANK GOD), and when the opportunity came up for a funny moment in the podcast, I told it as if it [were] a real story which was DISGUSTING and VERY VERY DUMB,” he continued. “My goal with the podcast and with my videos years ago was to tell shocking stories that would make people laugh and scream, ‘OMG NO [You] DIDN’T!!’ and think I was ‘soooo crazy.’ It’s embarrassing and I f–king hate myself for it.”

He’s put that humor behind him. “Now that I’m making stuff I love and I’m being myself, it feels so much better and I finally feel like I’m putting stuff out into the world that means something,” he said. “I’m not saying I hate everything I’ve made over the years … There [are] so many things I’m so proud of. But all of my offensive jokes, over the top stories, and insensitive jokes are something that still haunt me and something I have to be faced with everyday on the internet. And it never gets easier.”

“So I’m sorry for what I said about my cat, I’m sorry for what I said about anything or anyone that was offensive, and I’m sorry for being someone who thought being super offensive and shocking all the time was funny. I’m sorry for my past. But I’m [ready] to make it right and … I feel like without my past, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and I wouldn’t be able to grow [and] spend my energy on things that actually mean something. This has been the best two years of my life [and] it’s because I’ve been able to drop the act [and] be myself. And I’m sorry for not doing it sooner.”