This is just heartbreaking. Teen Mom OG star Tyler Baltierra has been open about his struggle with mental health, and his wife Catelynn Lowell's own recent struggle with mental health has inspired him to share more about his daily struggles with fans.
Over the past few weeks, Tyler has been sharing his own personal thoughts in the form of poetry, and his most recent poem includes an extremely harrowing description of what it means to live with anxiety and depression.
"Living with this depression [and] anxiety causes hurt. Its brain is like an alien stuck in a foreign body," Tyler began. The rest of the poem, which you can read below, goes on to reflect a sense of helplessness. "It feels like it’s a conspire to not have known this information prior because now all these thoughts in its brain caused by all these demons inside won’t stop talking with such an evil tone that’s dire [and] that tone distracts it from ever being able to see the positivity in this life it could actually acquire," he wrote.
Living with this depression & anxiety causes hurt. Its brain is like an alien stuck in a foreign body. That body just keeps getting up, it keeps putting on these clothes & it goes about the day doing whatever is required. But It barely eats, it’s always weak & it’s always tired. But I’m so confused, I just don’t get it, because if it’s so weak & it’s so tired, then why can’t it sleep when it’s time for its mind to retire. It’s like its mind is this tire that keeps spinning in circles & it gets lost every time it takes a spin while driving on that thin of a wire. But even though it lacks the ability to see what is required, that doesn’t mean It’s not allowed to desire the love & compassion every other human being desires. It feels like it’s a conspire to not have known this information prior because now all these thoughts in its brain caused by all these demons inside won’t stop talking with such an evil tone that’s dire...& that tone distracts it from ever being able to see the positivity in this life it could actually acquire #PoetryIsMyBrainsFreedom
This isn’t the first time Tyler has been this open about his hardships with mental illness. In fact, on June 26, the reality star shared a poem that included graphic details about his suicide attempt when he was only 11 years old.
"Now imagine a little boy almost 12 years old with an angry core [and] he’s already smoking [and] trying to find a way to not have his mind collapse to the floor," Ty wrote via what seems to be a notes app on his phone. Tyler went on to explain why he had issues at school as a young man, and his anger issues led to him acting out in class and it also led to his suspensions from school.
I wasn’t going to post this poem...but I know that I’m not the only one who went through mental health struggles & I know that someone can relate to this experience, which is why I decided to vulnerably share this with you guys. This was written about a very dark time in my life & I still don’t like to categorize myself as a survivor but the older I get, the more I realize that we are ALL survivors & we ALL are worthy enough to live! #YouAreNotAlone #PoetryIsMyBrainsFreedom #KeepTalkingMH #SickNotWeak
"It doesn’t bother him that bad ‘cause he knows this week, he’s gonna see his dad," Tyler continued, then he recounted one of the many times that his father Butch Baltierra had gone back to jail. "But ya [sic] see, later on that week, he gets a call from his dad that makes his knees become weak. 'Sorry son, your dad f--ked up again, I have to go back to livin’ in prison, ya see this is hard on me.' Are you f--king kidding me, this is hard for me man, don’t you see."
It was that moment that seemed to trigger Tyler’s suicidal thoughts and he said he even questioned why life was worth living at that moment. Tyler went into graphic detail about what it was like in the moments during his suicide attempt, and he also revealed how he was able to save himself. In the caption of the post, Tyler explained why he decided to share his poem with his fans. "I wasn’t going to post this poem... but I know that I’m not the only one who went through mental health struggles [and] I know that someone can relate to this experience, which is why I decided to vulnerably share this with you guys," Ty explained.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.