Does she regret it? That was the question that was asked of Lorena Bobbitt when she appeared on The Today Show on Friday, February 8. But speaking of her attack on her then-husband, John Wayne Bobbitt, she says it’s a more complicated feeling that that. After all, how can you regret an action that you took when you “don’t remember how it happened,” but know that you were the alleged victim of domestic violence and domestic sexual abuse? With a new Amazon docu-series called Lorena on its way, though, she is attempting to explain “why” the night happened — and not just “how” or “what.” Check out the video above to see what Lorena had to say in her own words, and don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube Channel.

“I honestly don’t even want to know what happened,” Lorena, 48, explained, “because I would be traumatized again.” And as for whether or not she regrets it, she answers, “Oh my god, how could you regret something that was not planned? I mean, how could you — You have to understand. I wasn’t in my right mind-set.” She also weighed in on why she thinks her case became such a media circus, sparking a flurry of coverage in the 24-hour news cycle. “I think it’s because just the act, that it was a severe organ, a male organ. That changes the whole perspective of this story.”

Though Lorena agreed to work with filmmaker Jordan Peele on his upcoming docu-series Lorena, part of why she’s speaking out now is because her husband has also been talking to the media. In a recent appearance on The Dr. Oz Show, John, 51, told the host that he “was like pretty much suicidal” as he went to the hospital after the attack. “I mean, I’m kind of mutilated in the most worst way a man can be mutilated and I was self-terminated, and I was looking for something that can end it with … Looking around,” he said.

But speaking about her husband, Lorena had a different take. “[He has reached out to me] on many occasions,” she shared. “I don’t know why, I’m guessing control… I’m like look at me, I did this to you. Just leave me alone.”

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