Lady Gaga revealed she was pregnant after a past sexual assault that occurred when she was 19. The singer shared her story during the Apple TV+ docuseries The Me You Can’t See, released on Friday, May 21.
While working with an unnamed producer, the now-35-year-old singer recalled being told “Take your clothes off,” which she initially refused. “And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music,” Gaga said. “And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and I just froze and I — I don’t even remember.”
The weight of her past trauma came flooding back after experiencing a “psychotic break,” which led her to speak with a psychiatrist.
“First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb,” Gaga explained. “And then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after, and I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner.”
In her 2017 Netflix documentary Gaga: Five Foot Two, the “Born This Way” songstress revealed that she suffers with chronic pain.
“The way that I feel when I feel pain is how I felt after I was raped,” she explained in The Me You Can’t See. “I’ve had so many MRIs and scans. They don’t find [anything], but your body remembers. I couldn’t feel anything. I disassociated. It’s like your brain goes offline. You don’t know why no one else is panicking, but you are in an ultra state of paranoia.”
When it comes to her mental health, Gaga said now she’s on the path to healing, noting that it’s “a slow rise.”
“It’s a very real thing to feel like there’s a black cloud following you wherever you go and it’s telling you that you’re worthless and should die,” she continued. “I used to scream and throw myself against the wall … And you know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse. You think you’re gonna feel better ’cause you’re showing somebody, ‘Hey, look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help. Tell somebody, don’t show somebody.”
The Academy Award winner concluded with a message to anyone who may be “suffering.”
“I would like to say that it’s so important that you surround yourself with at least one person who validates you … someone that believes you, that cares about you, and tells you that your pain matters and that it’s real,” Gaga said.
If you or anyone you know has been sexually abused, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). A trained staff member will provide confidential, judgment-free support as well as local resources to assist in healing, recovering and more.
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