Jim Bob Duggar Is Pretty Much the Gatekeeper to His Daughters’ Relationships

Before you can even get to a Duggar girl, you need to ask Jim Bob for permission to "get to know" his daughter.

"Well, if there's a young man who's interested in one of our daughters, they should talk to…dad," Michelle shares in a Duggar webisode while throwing a vicious Duggar love stare at her husband. And talk they do, apparently. The hearsay is that every week Jim Bob is (or was) fielding off letters, calls, and emails from prospective suitors looking to learn more about one of his daughters. Which like, really, Jim Bob? People were beating down at your door for all of your girls? OK.

Rumor also has it that the Jim Bob brings serious candidates to his daughters, which I'm also skeptical about. However, he's said the first question they ask is, "What do you think?" and I buy that. I can imagine a Duggar girl, terrified with the concept of having her own opinion, would default to her caretaker of what she should and shouldn't do.

So Jim Bob pushes his daughters toward his selections under the guise that it's her decision.

This doesn't work 110% of the time — we'll get to that later — yet it bears repeating that this man is so clearly unqualified to be the recruiter when it comes to his daughters' love lives. How do you go through a stack of résumés and think, "Well, that Derick Dillard sure seems like an upstanding gentleman."

Once a suitor has passed that getting-to-know-you grace period, they ask Jim Bob for permission to court.

There's a lot of hilarious courtship proposals but my personal favorite will always be when Ben asked Jim Bob and Michelle in a glorified broom closet. The best part is when Jim Bob says Ben can ask Jessa, he decides to record the whole thing on his phone. Very Regina George's mom.

But wait, there's more! Jim Bob passes along his 50-page questionnaire to make sure these guys are worthy.

The point where this happens varies based on Duggar couples — Jessa and Ben, for example, were already courting when Jim Bob came up with the idea, while Jeremy got his up front. Nevertheless, I don't think I need to explain why it's legit insane to have a prospective boyfriend fill out paperwork to date someone. And by the way, it asks lots of charming questions such as, "Do you feel women have a voice and are encouraged to speak their opinion?"

I think we all know what the Duggarland answer to that is.

From there on out, Jim Bob (and Michelle, I guess) charmingly butt in on their children's' text conversations.

I mean, obviously they were already sitting in on Jill and Derick's Skype conversations or whatever, I just want to reinforce how ridiculous this is. Imagine being a grown woman in your 20s and not being able to have a conversation with your boyfriend without your dad monitoring every word. A particularly special group chat anecdote is that Ben once had the audacity to ask Jessa to call him. Apparently, there was some loophole/blatant disregard for rules where Jessa and Ben talked on the phone privately for an hour every night. Anyway, Ben wrote, "Give me a ring when you get time." Jim Bob, trying to be cute(?), messaged them, "No rings yet. =)"

Bro, you gotta stop.

Oh, and the chaperoned dates are obviously a real boner killer.

And yes, Jim Bob isn't necessarily the one shadowing his kids' outings all the time, but it is his dumb rule and he does make things majorly awkward. It still weirds me out that he and Jill went to Nepal or something to see if Derick was the right match. And it pains me to watch him grill Jeremy when he, Michelle and Jinger flew to Laredo. I've watched the episode like three times (for research, of course) and I still lose with all of that, "how are you going to afford Jinger's thrift store habit" nonsense.

OK, and can we just talk about how rude Jim Bob was to Jeremy? Because that spoke volumes.

"Meet the Parents" is currently my favorite Duggar episode strictly because of the Jim Bob-hates-Jeremy plotline, and for real he is being beyond rude the entire time. Aside from questioning Jeremy's ability as a provider, he gets all pissy when Jeremy has his arm around Jinger, when the pair joke about engagement rings, when Jeremy tries to make a nice gesture with Mexican candy. And do not even get me started when Jim Bob says Laredo's kind of hot and would Jeremy consider moving to Arkansas. YES, ARKANSAS, WHICH IS SO WELL-KNOWN FOR IT'S CHILLY WEATHER, OF COURSE.

"My dad is not trying to slow the relationship down in any way I think it's just hard the thought of me moving to Laredo so far from the family," Jinger, adorably brainwashed says. Sweetie, he literally told you two, "It's kind of like, you're on the gas pedal, I'm on the break pedal."

Look man, I'm not into the whole "Jinger is free" narrative because she still ultimately married someone she knew for a handful of months because of the Duggars twisted values and regulations. And Jeremy, while he's no Derick, still isn't this great progressive, you know? But we really see that Jim Bob is so, so, so mad about the idea of his daughter having her own life with a man he didn't pick out for her.

Couples are allowed to make their own guidelines…and then immediately report back to Jim Bob what they are.

This is another technicality that makes my eyes roll because even though the kids are "allowed" to set their relationship boundaries, they fall in line with the anti-affection teachings Jim Bob and Michelle force upon them. Plus, because trusting your children is stupid, Jim Bob makes his kids report back to him these guidelines. So of course it's that uber chaste "saving our first kiss for marriage" idea. Like, nobody goes up to Jim Bob and says, "Yeah, we're going straight to making babies," you know?

Oh, and Jim Bob makes damn sure that the kids stick to those guidelines.

Notable moments include this ^ iconic scene and when Jim Bob told Jessa and Ben they could side-hug for 30 seconds post-courtship proposal. Possessing no chill, JB was all, "30 SECONDS, I MEAN IT" about .02 seconds in.

But hey, don't worry, he'll also give you unsolicited counseling on how to handle the physical stuff.

I don't know how meticulous he was with courtships going forward, but when Ben and Jessa were engaged, Jim Bob and Michelle led them in marriage counseling. Now, is this necessarily ethical? Idk. Is it totally creepy and weird? Absolutely, especially when Jim Bob gives the couple instructions on how to kiss properly.

Related: this lesson was probably about the importance of couple's color coordination, and Ben clearly didn't get the memo.

At long last (i.e. 3 months) a suitor can finally ask Jim Bob for his blessing…and he is such a drama queen about it.

Alright, we did it, we finally got to that big proposal episode (or, let's be real, the episode before the proposal episode). If you're still tuned in to a Duggar couples' love story, congratulations. It's finally time for the guy to pop the big question. You know, to Jim Bob.

The most amazing thing about this is that waiting on Jim Bob's blessing takes longer than the whole courtship process. When Austin asked for Joy-Anna's hand in marriage, I swear I was getting gray hairs waiting on him to say yes. The above image is not a dramatic retelling of the actual thing.

"So Jim Bob likes to kind of draw out the whole process when you ask him to marry one of his daughters," says a truly rough-looking Derick.

"He never just says 'Sure," Ben adds in, getting Rambo flashbacks of the whole ordeal.

So there you have it. From cradle to altar, Jim Bob keeps a close watch on his daughters' relationships. Some may look at this as hugely controlling, patriarchal bulls–t that could have serious repercussions when one day these girls wake up and realize they married a complete stranger. Others may just think he's just being protective. After all, Jim Bob will do whatever it takes to make sure no man lays an inappropriate hand on his daughter.

…you know, unless that man is his son, I guess.

More from In Touch

We're Starting to Suspect Jim Bob and Michelle Bribe Their Kids Into Staying in Arkansas

It's Kind of Amazing How Much Jordyn-Grace Duggar Hates Her Mother Michelle

Looking Back, the Duggar Kids Get Reprogrammed Whenever They Stray From the Flock

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