He never imagined it would be so hard. Dog’s Most Wanted star Duane “Dog” Chapman has been so open and honest in the wake of his wife Beth‘s untimely passing, and that remained true for his exclusive interview with In Touch on August 28. The 66-year-old admitted that he never thought it would be “this bad” trying to do things — like his hair — without her help. Watch the exclusive interview in the video above for details on why it’s been so tough learning to live on his own without Beth.

Dog revealed that getting his mullet in order has been one of the things he’s struggled with learning to do on his own the most. “David’s trying to help, poor David. He can’t do it. He’s not a girl,” he said of his infamous blond locks. “So do you know, it’s all crooked and s—t.” But his look is far from the toughest thing about losing his wife.

“When she was with me, I would say, ‘Get in there right now cause someday maybe she won’t be here,'” he confessed about trying to mentally prepare himself to lose her. “I would pick her Kleenexes up off the floor and say, ‘someday these Kleenexes won’t be here.’ Now when I go in there and they’re not there I’m like ‘I told myself, so it’s OK. I told myself so.’ So I kind of prepared myself whether she prepared it or not to, you know, see what it could’ve been like.”

Still, there’s really no way to get ready to lose the love of your life. “Never did I think it’d be this bad,” he admitted. Luckily, he has the support of his large family, and they’ve all really come together in the wake of the tragedy. “All the kids are getting along very good,” he said. “[Beth] said, ‘I hope that if I die, it brings the family back.’ ‘Cause they’re a normal family. They gripe about, ‘they got paid more than me. You love them more than me.'” We’re glad to hear they’re closer than ever now.

Dog’s Most Wanted premieres on Wednesday, September 4 at 9 p.m. ET on WGN

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