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Just a Gentle Reminder of Why the Dawn of K-Fed Was the Absolute Worst

Misc

Jan 25, 2018 4:38 pm·

By Mary Grace Garis

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There are Britney Spears fans who will argue to the death that Kevin Federline was the worst thing to happen to the pop princess. In addition to being an epic d-bag, he was the instigator to her whole head-shaving, car-smashing breakdown. Godney worshippers take this claim as gospel, and we get it. But Kevin might not actually be the worst thing to happen to Brit-Brit. He was just the worst thing to happen to, you know, the American public in 2004.

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But when he got together with Britney, it really hurt all of us as a nation. Some part of you wanted to love him because Britney loved him, but it was just impossible. Let's take a look back and revisit why the Dawn of Federline was so hard to watch for any Britney-lover.

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1. Literally everything about him.

The gold chains. The baggy pants. The graphic blazers. The baseball caps and more importantly fedoras. On sight, K-Fed and his whole look was painful to process, even by 2004 standards.

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2. He came out of literally nowhere.

Do you know how long after we were even introducted to K-Fed that Britney announced they were engaged? Three f–king months. Think of all the terrible three-month flings in your life. Now imagine telling America you were going to get married and have a starter family with them.

It's like that.

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3. He was no Justin Timberlake.

Look, we have words about how Justin Timberlake, himself a fervent perpetrator of the dreaded fedora, treated Britney Spears. This isn't necessarily a vouch for Justin so much as it was an uneven trade-off. As a society, it was hurtful and unsettling to see Britney go from being one half of the biggest pop music power couple to… this guy.

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4. He wasn't really much of anyone, really.

What was Kevin's resumé when he and Britney hooked up? He was a backup dancer, right? Like, dancing… in the background… of someone actually famous. This guy literally skulked out of the shadows and stole our lord and savior's heart, which feels wrong and unfounded.

Now Britney, of course, is currently with 23-year-old backup dancer Sam Asghari, but she's also a larger-than-life figure who doesn't need to rely on being with some high profile dude. She stands on her own, and the arm candy is like, just a little treat.

And besides, we know what she sees in him.

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5. He ditched his pregnant fianceé Shar Jackson for Brit-Brit.

This was the most legit red flag that Britney decided to fly past on her way to the altar. Kevin and Shar were allegedly already "separated" when Kevin decided to break up that family, which also included their toddler daughter Kori Federline. Generally speaking, ditching your pregnant fianceé is not a good look.

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6. Britney and Kevin's relationship led to the creation of Chaotic.

We're pretty sure nobody needed a UPN documentary of Britney and Kevin's blessed union.

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7. Britney and Kevin's relationship led to the creation of K-Fed's rap career.

Oh God, even if you never heard that Kevin Federline tried to have a rap career, you knew in your soul that that was a thing that happened. In 2006, shortly after his marriage to Britney dissolved, Kevin released his first and thankfully only album, Playing With Fire. It was so infamously terrible that upon the almost-release of would-be single "PopoZão," critics were unanimous in their expert opinion of, "This is literal trash, please stop." But in case you need to experience this for yourself, take a trip below.

Yaboy on the far right is not having it.

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8. But most importantly, he was a huge sign that all was not well in Britney Land.

Brit started her 2004 getting into a 55-hour Las Vegas wedding with Jason Alexander. As insane as that choice was, you could write it off as a drunken mistake.

But when she ended the year married to a man she had known for all of five months, that was a signal that she was going through something dark. Britney was no doubt drained emotionally, mentally, and physically from being raised in the public eye. She was willing to seek out love in the grossest of places, finding the instant gratification of coupledom. Even if it was a bad decision (and it was), it was a decision she made on her own.

And hot take: At the end of the day, we don't blame Kevin for Britney Spears' 2007 meltdown or for their marriage dissolving. K-Fed wasn't the cause of Britney's rocky mental health, but he was a horrible, Ed Hardy-wearing symptom. And that's maybe what hurt any true Britney fan the most.

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