So here’s the sad reality about Peter Pan Live!: Unlike the androgynous man-child in the eponymous show, the rest of us did grow up… So we were forced to come to terms with a realization that the leader of the Lost Boys is kind of a narcissistic, creepy jerk.
And when you add Allison Williams’ prancing around, lots and lots of bowl cuts and Christopher Walken being, well, Christopher Walken — you’re just asking for trouble.
Can we talk about Allison’s attempt at a British accent for a second? At least we think it was a British accent she was going for…
Just to remind you, the show takes place in a universe where a young boy is actually a 26-year-old woman! “Scary” pirates wear deep v-necks and do coordinated tap dances! And when a crazy narcissist breaks into your home, offers you “““pixie dust””” and kidnaps you, you’re not only totally OK with the whole thing — but you also follow up by offering your child to aforementioned creep decades later!
But, like, god forbid Allison Williams’ uses her normal speaking voice…
I gotta CROW! #PeterPanLive pic.twitter.com/WBo5Nr3rw9— NBC (@nbc) December 5, 2014
I gotta CROW! #PeterPanLive pic.twitter.com/WBo5Nr3rw9
Speaking of excellent vocal abilities, Christopher Walken did his best Christopher Walken impression and killed it! As for his performance as Captain Hook, it was meh at best. Honestly, he was just a pair of velvet pants and ridiculous moustache away from being Buster Bluth.
Most of the time he was on screen he looked so freakin’ bored — which, believe us, we get — until he had some kind of awakening moment and was like, “Where am I and why am I here? Who signed me up for this?”
Of course, not everything about the show was bad.
Nana the dog is our frontrunner for next year’s Emmy and Tony Awards and we’re thinking of starting a campaign to get her in the running for an Oscar too. And we have to give a big shout out to whatever makeup remover was responsible for getting rid of all that guyliner!
Also props to the computer-generated image who played Tinkerbell — like who knew a flickering light could be SUCH a bitch? Then again, we’re still not entirely convinced it wasn’t just Kristin Chenoweth. Speaking of cameos, loved the surprise appearance by the wires!
Anyway, if hate-watching wasn’t enough for you — or if you have your nemesis in your company’s Secret Santa and want to give them an awful gift — ‘Peter Pan Live!’ will be available on DVD Dec. 16.
Just don’t say we didn’t warn you.