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It’s been more than a month and a half since Miley Cyrus’ dog Floyd passed away—and the pain of the loss lives on.
In a new letter posted on her Twitter account on Saturday, the Wrecking Ball singer writes about how sad she still is.
The letter begins with: “Sad pupils are beautiful too….humans. we looooove to feel sorry for ourselves don’t we…I would bet we are the ONLY creatures that put ourselves thru pain for pleasure.”
She then notes she is “choosing to be that selfish human” for the day and all she wants to do is “lay and drown this pillow” with her tears. She still asks herself, “Why would the world take my sweet boy from me?”
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The 21-year-old former Disney star mentions her mom, Tish, is the only person keeping her together: “I’m just a baby myself…I depend on my mother still. she is the one at the end of the day I want to hold me when I’m sad, scared, lonely.”
However, even though she still has her mom, she feels sorry that Floyd doesn’t have his mom: “I was Floyd’s mommy. I don’t know when the regret and the guilt will fade…I don’t know if it ever will. I feel like I let my boy down. my job was to protect him & I’m not a person that takes failure lightly, death lightly, love lightly.”
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Near the end of the letter, she informs her followers her plans for the day, which is just to basically lay down in bed and cry. But what’s even more worrisome is that she wishes the world would stop spinning!
“Today is one of those days where i can’t open the curtains to see the sun…open the windows to hear the world going on around me because to be honest I hate the fact that the worlds still spinning. i want it to stop,” she writes.
“I want everyone’s heart to break the way my heart is breaking. I want everyone to feel the emptiness in their tummy like I am feeling.”
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The lengthy letter finally ends with: “All I’m going to do is lay in this bed in this depressing hotel room and wish it wasn’t true. no matter how much I cry or beg of 'god' to wake me up from this nightmare…I am being a helplessly hopeless human & I’m ok with that.”
Miley will be in Las Vegas tonight at the MGM Grand Garden Arena where she will be performing at the 2014 Billboard Music Awards. The annual music awards show airs on ABC starting at 8 p.m. ET.
Read the full letter written by Miley here!