We really, REALLY need to talk about Mariah Carey’s new album.
Earlier today, May 1, Mrs. Nick Cannon released the not one, but TWO covers for her upcoming album, titled, Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse.
And we’ve come to a few conclusions. Either she and her husband are having a face-off to see who could be more ridiculous, and this is her way of challenging Nick’s most recent album, White People Party Music—which he promoted by going in “whiteface” and offending millions.
Or this is literally the most self-indulgent thing to come out of Hollywood.
Buuut since this is the same woman who released an album called The Emancipation of Mimi, we’re going to go with the latter. Let’s discuss.
First of all, there’s the fact that she put two different album covers out there. And they both feature very, very sexy pics of Mariah.
We’re not entirely sure why we’d need more than one piece of cover art, but we suspect it’s because she wanted to make sure the world saw how amazing her face is lookin’ while not distracting people from checking out her smoking hot body.
It’s like she wants to remind that yes, she still looks like this at 44. And yes, she did give birth to twins not so long ago.
Oh, did we mention it also features the “only self-portrait” Mariah has ever done? Completed when she was three? Because it does and it’s amazing.
Earlier this week, Billboard released a cover story in which Mariah revealed her plans to release her most recent album “Beyoncé-style,” leading many to believe it would drop randomly (since, ya know, she couldn’t exactly pull off dropping an album completely out of the blue… since she already announced her plans to drop it “Beyoncé-style”).
However, her label clarified her quote, explaining she’s doing a traditional release in late May.
So by “Beyoncé-style”, we assume she means self-titled. But since she already had an eponymous album at the start of her career, she had to go with “Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse.”
Why have a self-title album when you can pick a name that mentions you three freakin’ times?!
“Me” – that’s one. “I Am Mariah” – that’s at least one. “The Elusive Chanteuse” – and that makes three. According to Merriam Webster, chanteuse is defined as a female singer—usually in a nightclub.
In a video promoting the album, she explains “Me. I Am Mariah…” was the name she gave her “only self-portrait” (see above) and asked us “not to judge the simplistic title” as she was only three when she wrote it.
Listen, lady. If we have to Google a word in the title because we literally have no idea what it means, it can’t be that simplistic.
Well, at this point, all we can hope is that Mariah is inspired by her husband and does something over-the-top to promote the album. We’re hoping she pops up and gets her chanteuse on in random nightclubs—making her elusive and what not—all over the world.
Or, sticking with the theme of self-indulgence makes her second self-portrait ever.
Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse drops on May 27. We already pre-order ours on iTunes.