This Dude Says He Was
Abducted By Aliens and
Lost His Virginity to
an Extra Terrestrial
David Huggins says his first time was out of this world. Literally. Homeboy says he was abducted by aliens on multiple occasions, including one encounter in which a female extra terrestrial named Crescent took his virginity.
The 70-year-old New Jersey native says aliens have visited him routinely since he was 8-years-old, and has been recreating his encounters in a series of surrealist, impressionist oil paintings — and we gotta say, these aliens look surprisingly human.
Obviously David didn’t learn the first rule of engaging with any woman — never, ever call her fat, as he referred to Crescent as “one of the large women” with whom he says he “knows for sure” he lost his virginity to.
David’s not sure why Crescent took an interest in him, saying, “I just lay down on the ground and she got on top of me. I have no idea why me. I just don’t know.”
And well, it’s safe to say he’s aware of the consequences of alien sex. In one of the paintings, there are little alien babies — who he claims to have fathered.